dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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