so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
