i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
