He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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