There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
