I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
this is an emotional support booty call
soo... how was my night?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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