when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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