i just wanna soil my oats bro
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
