im drinking this country out of the recession.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Randomize
