I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
