I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
