I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
