i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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