i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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