I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
