This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
