I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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