Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
