i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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