GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
