so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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