He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
