Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
