When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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