Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
