My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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