someone get that fucking seahorse.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
