I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
