The maid of honor just puked.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
