Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
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