If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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