cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
