Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
