so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
