Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
