I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
