did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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