Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
so let's talk penis.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Randomize
