he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
