You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
