he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
