Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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