You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
