Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
