the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
