I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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