apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
