So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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