I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Vodka?
Forever.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
