i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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