dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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