so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
